tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
