i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
