I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize