Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
