There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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