Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
