Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
