Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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