then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
i think im in europe. pls send help
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
