I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
