I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
