I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
