I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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