This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize