Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
home. puking in laundry basket.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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