I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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