Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
