k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
