just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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