you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
