The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
