he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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