Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
