This is not my ceiling
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
