me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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