why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize