Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize