True but thats because hes a fetus.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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