I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
