Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
