I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
