This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
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