worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
i need some magic done to my vagina
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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