life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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