Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
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