um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
