You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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