I'd wear matching sweaters with you
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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