I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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