Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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