I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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