im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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