we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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