Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
