You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You are a genius and a whore.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
