This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
