So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
