her vagine was all disorganized.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
