I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
