I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
