In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
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