I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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