Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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