i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
