The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
