just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize