How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
