I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
