While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
