i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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