i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
so much tequila, so little girl.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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