There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
me + whiskey = a bad person
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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