just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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