before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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