All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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