I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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