I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
