guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
