The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
